That is a very poignant question. People underestimate the amount of information exchanged or the number of opinions formulated during a seemingly casual conversation at dinner. And I imagine that the number one driving force in your relative's rhetoric is that, "Nothing racist has ever happened to me;" therefore racism no longer exists.
It amazes me how the south seems like a entire different country, but the energy of its pained past pervades the rest of the country. It makes the road towards equality even longer and tougher. I think the overt racism is easier to fight that the covert transgressions that can be written off as Black fragility and paranoia. When in truth, it's an elaborate and successful effort to gaslight the oppressed into silence.
Thank you so much for reading and responding.